I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
then he tried to convert me to islam
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
