Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
