I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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