Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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