i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
