i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
