I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
