Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
