yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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