Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
