I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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