The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
