I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We got so high we made milksteak
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
