May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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