Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
