OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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