There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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