i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
