My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
