She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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