I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
