i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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