I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My life is pants optional.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
