and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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