What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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