i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
