Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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