so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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