Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
