at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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