I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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