If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
