if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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