Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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