There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Pooping to opera.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
