Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this just has baby written all over it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
