OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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