She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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