You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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