so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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