My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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