Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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