I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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