Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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