I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
