The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
