I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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