I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
