Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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