This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
