I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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