I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize