I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
