Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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