His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
