Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
