eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
