I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
