Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
