I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
