I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
