Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
