i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize