Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
