A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we're so committed to being not committed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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