i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
