What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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