Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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