How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
