Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
