Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
