I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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