he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
