Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
