Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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